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Funny Quotes

873 - 876   Are you ready for your first smile of the day??

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
George Carlin


 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.
Frieda Norris 

"I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams

Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.
Leslie Nielsen


"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
Mark Twain


"Men are afraid of me."  Grace Jones

"When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for five minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31."
Unknown


Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.
 Oscar Wilde


“The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.”
 Marcelene Cox 

The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow. H. G. Wells (okay this might not seem like a funny quote, but tomorrow it will! ;)

"God and I have a great relationship, but we both see other people."
Dolly Parton

Love,  I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves,  though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much.
Zora Neale Hurston 


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